Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Fat girl? Are you serious?

This is a wee post about the words 'fat girl' in both my blog title and my 'about me' section.

History of me being a fat girl. 

I have a stocky build.  My wedding rings are a size 8 *even though they're loose now*.  My class ring from high school is a 9.  I don't do shoulder pads because they just make me look even more 'stiff' through the shoulders (meaning my shoulders are broad to begin with).  I am and have always been tall.  I am at about 5' 10".  I have never in the past nor will I in the future wear a size 0.  Let's just say, I'm a solid girl.

The teasing began in 6th grade.  I think the boys were irritated because I was taller than them and other things changed for me during that time.  *If you happen to be reading this and you went to school with me, I don't hold any ill feelings toward any of you, it has truly shaped me into who I am today.*  The teasing lessened as we entered junior high because we were at the high school and too busy learning how to juggle getting to our locker and our next class in the allotted time.  By the time I reached high school, the teasing became more unbearable, but the teasers were more subtle.  As I look back at that time, I was far from fat, but I certainly was made to feel that way *even if they never intended for me to feel that way* and that was the body image that I 'adopted.'

This was me as a senior in high school  My boyfriend and I were crowned homecoming king and queen.  Go figure!  In some ways I thought they only chose us because they wanted to tease me more.  Weird, right?

After graduating from high school, I was able to get away from a lot of the garbage that went on, but I still had terrible self image.  I had mono my first semester of college and wasn't able to start until the spring semester.  I exercised when I could at the college workout center.  When I changed to the big state university, that's when I really started packing on the pounds.  I did what I felt like I needed to in order to stay awake through my classes.  Most often that meant Pepsi and peanut M&Ms.  (This is not one of my prouder moments).  My hubby and I were dating during this time and he still loved me for who I was.  By the time we got engaged, I was probably over 200 pounds.

When we got married, I was somewhere around 200, after working at getting back to my skinny self again.

This picture was taken in May of 2001.  We got married in December.  I probably weighed about 180ish here and to me, I look a bit too skinny if that's even possible.

After we got married, life was difficult.  I ate to self soothe.  Marriage wasn't much of what I had expected it to be.  Just before Mother's Day of 2002, I found out I was pregnant with our oldest.  By the time I had her, I easily weighed close to 300 if not more *I stopped looking at the scale when the nurse weighed me at the doctor's office.*

It has been an up and down roller coaster ride ever since.  I've had to put a stop to the emotional eater.  I've had to find ways to help myself cope during times of stress.  I am still in this journey.

So with that said, and my post being much longer than I had intended, my brain has still not completely caught up with my weight loss.  Even though this journey has already taken me over a year, I am still a work in progress.  I am still learning.  Maybe at some point my brain will catch up with the rest of me and I'll remove that part.  Until then, you all are stuck with it.


  1. Makes sense but I feel like this could possibly bring you back down if you dont look past it all and see yourself the way you truly are now - skinny. I say drop the "Fat Girl" attitude and way of thinking and accept and be proud of the new skinny girl that has emerged. It has been too much hard work and dedication with beautifully amazing results to still call yourself a Fat Girl. Nu uh..no way!

  2. You know Kati, I knew you from the time you were what 16? and I never thought of you as "fat" or heavy or any of that. Perceptions are not fact! I always saw you as a bright shining star! Keep it up and love the person we all love.