Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Try, Try Again

Life took some unusual turns.  Turns that I'm not altogether happy about.  My home life got messy.  I wasn't able to use the tools that I had learned to use through life's twists and turns.  I stopped running.  I started working again.  And lastly, my 4 year old was suddenly taken from me in May of last year.  I lost all sense of what life was truly supposed to be.  And the weight?  It went back on quite easily.  I'm no longer the 'former fat girl', but am the fat girl once again.

There are a lot of what-ifs floating around, but I could 'what-if' myself to death.  It won't solve a thing.

I imagine that some people could lose a boatload of weight based on the happenings of my life in the last year plus, but if you have been a regular follower of my story, that's not the case with me.  Food is my drug of choice.  It is my sedative.  It is my comfort.  It is my security.  When all else fails, there's always food.  And darn it...I can't live without it!

I'm still grieving.  My heart still hurts.  And life is moving on.  We made a positive move too.  The only home my girls had ever known...the home I'd known for 11 years, is no longer the place we call home.  We moved a little over an hour south and we are loving the opportunity to be closer to healthy food stores and better opportunities over all.  

I know I have strength because I am living through the death of a child.  With that strength, I will come back...slowly.  There is joy amongst the sadness and I move minute at a time.