Fear

So, I took a walk today.  It's beautiful out.  I'm rocking the tunes.  And as I turn to complete my first mile, and I'm fighting against past memories in my brain...I start to cry.  I'm sure I was quite a sight to see.  Crying and sweaty, but walking it out.  The tears?  A walking revelation.  It seems as though I've been getting those a lot lately.  Moving on.

The revelation?  I have a fear of gaining weight again.  A fear of what other people see me as.  I'm not sure if this is an unhealthy fear or a healthy one. 

I also learned another important tidbit.  I wear my heart rate monitor when I do most of my exercises.  I just found out that a good portion of my exercises are considered to be in the 'vigorous' category.  If I base my numbers on this site, then my max HR is 186, my 50% of HR would be 93, 75% would be 130, and 85% would be 158.  My vigorous range is between 130 and 158.  The moderate range would be between 93 and 130.  Generally speaking, my HR is over 140 when I walk and it's been logged as high as 157.  This is very helpful information for me.

I'm feeling some better today.  It is certainly a process. 

I'm looking forward to dinner.  Pork tenderloin, quinoa, fresh cauliflower, and a salad.  So, I guess if we're going to eat it, I better make it.