Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The balance game...

I'm not one for trying to keep things in the middle.  I'd rather have it one way than the other.  Right now I'm struggling with either wanting to eat everything in sight or...feeling sick to my stomach.  My emotions are definitely playing a role in this 'game'.  I dislike this game.  When I first began my journey, the instant reaction to feeling overwhelmed was to reach for food.  I still have that reaction, but my tummy also revolts.

I guess being like this makes me a typical woman.  For illustration purposes, a lot of women lose weight before they get married.  They are stressed and busy.  It just happens.  This woman gained it.  I reached for the food that comforts me when things go wrong.  This instance is no different and it makes me typical in that when I reach for food in this state, I want it to be carb-ish and satisfying.  Carrots, lettuce, or any other green like vegetable, aren't my first choice.  They should be, but they aren't.  What can I say?  I'm still learning and growing in my journey.

I am also struggling with my morning time.  I have been getting up between 5 and 5:30 to get my walk in *on days that I can*.  This could also be a prime time for me to work on the study I just bought.  I need the walk, but I also need the study.  So, I've been choosing the walk.  I'm still not convinced that it has been the right choice.  My body needs the exercise *it even craves it now*, but my soul needs to be fed too.  It's such a fine balance in this area too and I wish I had the right answer.

I know it seems like I have my 'stuff' together, but mostly...I don't.  My life is not perfect.  My food choices aren't always stellar, my children are rarely well behaved aren't always well behaved, my house isn't immaculate, I always often forget things, I verbalize my thoughts better on paper *or blog* than out of my mouth, I generally have good intentions, and I often feel like my feelings/opinions don't matter/can't be voiced.  While these things aren't always visible to the naked eye, they are who I am.  If I seem quiet...I'm contemplating, hurt, and/or sad.  If I seem talkative and outgoing...I'm feeling good and am ready to take on the world.

So, I'm continuing to balance or seek to find balance. 

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