It Has To Start Somewhere

Every journey in life has a beginning and an end.  Sometimes we can veer off course, take the wrong path, or fall in a ditch.  Lucky for us we get to make the choice in whether we continue to go in the wrong direction or wallow in the ditch.  And I think, from time to time, we're allowed to wallow a bit before finding the courage and strength to pick ourselves up, and move forward.

With that said, I've been wallowing for far too long.  And, I've strayed from the journey.  This weight loss journey is a life long one for me and I know that I will always struggle.  If you add in a lot of emotional stress into the mix, it makes the struggle that much more difficult.  I would love to say that the emotional stress hasn't gotten the best of me, it has.

The first step in getting back on track *I think* is realizing you're going down that path again.  The path that takes you down the road to 'ruin'.  It's the path that you've vowed to never go down again and yet, here you are in the middle of it, knowingly walking it.  Now is the time!

The second step in getting back on track is to keep things real.  It's almost as if you're starting over, but not from the very beginning, just mid journey.  Baby steps here people.  Baby steps.  If you've fallen off as long as I have *about a month*, you'll need to ease yourself back into it *again, just my perspective*.  If I think too much about all that goes into getting myself back on track, it can be overwhelming.  Maybe it won't be.  If you've been at it a long time, it could just be second nature without much thought having to go into it.  It does feel a bit like that for me.

Lastly, remember the reasons you started this journey in the first place.  I didn't like being the 'fat girl'.  I wanted to be healthy.  I wanted to be able to do things I'd never done before.  And if I go back to where I was, I'll lose all of that.

It's not too late.  Stop in the path that you're taking yourself down.  Head up and keep going!

One Year

It's officially been a year since I started running.  There are a lot of things that I have learned.

My top 10 things I've learned about running this past year:

1. It doesn't matter how fast you are, it matters that you've gotten your butt out the door.
2. Give yourself something to work towards...a goal.
3. Make your goal attainable.
4. For goodness sakes...breathe.  After doing my half marathon, my silly breathing technique didn't seem so silly to me.  I could hear people coming up behind me that were breathing in ways that seemed silly, but I'm sure worked for them.  I might have thought a couple people were dying in need of a water break, but they kept running.
5. If people pass you, who cares?  Who am I kidding?  I care!  Yes, it pained me to have people pass me, especially people who were older than me, but I had to remind myself that I was in it for me.  Maybe at some point in their lives, they started out like me.  Or maybe, they never experienced starting this running business in their mid 30s, so they have no idea where I've come from.  Either way, finishing, no matter how I got there, was #1.
6. Find your happy place.  This may include a nice trail where you live.  It may include music.  For me, it's a little of both sometimes.  For my half, I started out with music and at some point *probably around the half way point* I went unplugged.  It was a great decision.
7. Be comfortable.  Isn't that the same as your happy place?  Nope.  You need to make sure that you have good fitting sneakers, you're wearing clothes that keep you cool *or in the winter...warm!*, and clothes that are easy to run/breathe in.  If you're uncomfortable while you're running, it will be miserable.
8. Don't be afraid of the elements.  Okay, well if there is extreme weather, then be afraid of the elements.  But, if it's snowy or rainy...give it a go.  Weather conditions won't always be perfect and if you allow them to get in the way, then you're giving yourself an excuse to not go out the door.
9. If something seems hard, it may very well be.  Try it again.  Which leads me to #10...
10. Don't give up!  Just because it's hard, doesn't mean that you should give up on it.  Keep working on it and you'll get your groove!

One last thought on this whole running business...have fun!  If nothing else, be able to laugh at yourself.  If you fall...pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and keep going *unless you're seriously injured!!!*  Life is too short to live wondering if you could have done a 5k.  No one can ever fault you for getting out there and making you a healthier you!

13 for '13--A Review

Here it is, now August and I'm just getting back around to do a little review.  Terrible.  Life is all about getting in my way right now.  Or, I'm getting in my own way.  Or something.

My original list *I'll add where I'm at with each in parenthesis*:

1. Continue to maintain my goal weight.  And, I need to give myself a 5 pound buffer even though it pains me to say so...I need that.  It's more about being up 5 pounds rather than down 5.  (Sadly, I'm struggling.  With going home for a month, my weight has increased.  I know that it has and I am slowly getting back in the saddle.  I need to do it for me and no one else.)
2. I want to keep running...to remain dedicated no matter what!  It's hard, but I enjoy it far more than I ever thought I would.  (Running is my buddy.  It's my frustration release.  Even with my knee problem, as long as I'm not trying to come down a hill, I'm okay.  I had a great run yesterday!)
3. I want to spend time with my hubby at night at least once a week *I guess I should clue him in on this too, huh?*  I just bought Battleship *the game* for he and I to play.  We've also played Othello recently.  This is an adjustment over this year's goal of going on a date night 1x per month.  (Hmm, this has really lacked.  We have played canasta recently, so I guess something is better than nothing.)
4. Take time for myself.  I really need to continue to do this for myself.  I need to be vocal about it too.  I'm hoping that I can do this once every other week or so.  Hoping to.  (This is still a work in progress.  I often don't know when I truly need this time and I often shrug it off.  Don't we all?)
5. Spend less time on the computer.  I typically spend some time on the computer in the morning while I drink my coffee/tea; some time while I eat lunch and then again after dinner.  The goal?  I need to limit it a bit more.  I'm going to set the timer and spend no more than a half hour in the morning and at lunch.  Then I can spend a bit more time on the computer after the girls go to bed.  (I can tell you that this has dropped a crazy amount in the last week.  I've been *mostly* facebook free with the exception of checking on a few friends via my hubby's account.)
6. Do more crafty things with my girls.  I did quite a few things with them just before Christmas and I'd like to keep doing fun things with them.  They loved it!  (This has taken a wee break since things have been busy.  We'll need to get back into that now that fall is upon us.)
7. Bake more with the girls.  They enjoy the baked goods that I make, so I'd like them to help more in the kitchen.  (Also, the heat of summer...doesn't exactly lend itself to lots of baking.  Again, fall is upon us and I'm looking forward to doing more.)
8. Write one letter/card by hand a month.  I am modifying this one from this year as well.  A handwritten note can make someone's day so much better.  Have you tried it recently? *no I don't mean a personal e-mail either!!*  (I am doing really well with this.  It means a lot to me to get these notes out in the mail.  It probably means more to the people who receive them.)
9. Continue taking my girls outside to do things like sledding, bike riding, and walking.  I have a blast too.  We've gone sledding several times already.  We just love it!  (We spent a crazy amount of time outside while we were home in NY.  If you could see how tan my girls are, you'd know it was true!  We even got to spend a day at the beach; this is a luxury we don't have here.)
10. Express my feelings better with my friends, husband and girls.  *A repeat from this year.*  (Failing.)
11. Read at least 3 books this next year.  I enjoy it...I need to do it for myself.  I need to make time for it.  (Also failing on this even though I have a couple of books fired up and ready to go.)
12. Encourage others who are continuing their journey or starting a new journey.  It's a hard road, but one that is worth it!  (I hope I'm doing that and if I'm not...kick me in the pants so that I can do it in return!)
13. Laugh at myself, laugh at my children and roll my eyes at my husband *another adjustment from one for this year.*  (I think I have the rolling my eyes at my husband down quite well.  Laughing at my children?  Still needs improvement.)

 So, that's where I'm at.  Life continues to throw curve balls.  And, I'm on a roller coaster...one in which I'm yelling, "Please let me off!  I'm going to be sick!"  Except, no one hears me.

Don't give up friends.  I haven't, but sometimes we lose our way for a bit and need to fight, crawl, dig...to get back to where we need to be.

Half Marathon

Hi dear friends near and far.  It has been a long summer.  A busy one for sure!  We spent a month visiting family, friends and going to Ohio to visit more friends.  It was fantastic!  One unfortunate event?  I managed to exercise for a little over a week, but my right hamstring muscle started to seize on me.  It was painful.  And, while I stretched it, it didn't want to let go.  I babied it, but by doing that, caused my quad to get grumpy too.  So, I did some bike riding and surprisingly had some really great rides!  I even went on a bike ride with my dad.  He kiddingly asked if I needed him to bring the 'tow rope' with him.  I said no. :)  We logged a 13 mile ride together!

We came home, and I ran a couple of times.  Then, I took that Friday off and took on my first half marathon that Saturday (August 10th).  My plan going in was to run as much as I could.  I also planned to start with the walkers at 6am because I just didn't know what to expect.  Friday evening, I picked up my 'race' packet.  I knew full well that this wasn't a 'race' for me, but a scenic route that I had never taken before.  After getting home, I organized all of my gear for the morning.

Surprisingly, I slept fairly well.  I got up at 4:30, had a little something to eat, and as I got ready to put my chest strap with heart rate monitor on, my watch battery died!  Ugh!  Thankfully I had a back up *the kind where you put your fingers on the sensors.*  Eh, it would work.  I got into 'town' for my 'race' around 5:35-5:40 which gave me a few minutes to throw on some sunscreen and go to the bathroom one last time.  We were to hear a speech from the race director at 5:45.

While we stood there, the 'trackers' recorded our bibs into their 'computers' and the director talked.  He counted us down to 6 and we were off.  I started like I normally do, with my 5 minute brisk walk.  Then I turned it over to running: 3 minutes on and 2 minutes walking.  That was fine until I really hit the trail.  It was a very steep trail.  According to my map, it was only a 700ish foot gain overall, but it was enough to kick my pants.

With that said, I walked quite a bit.  When it leveled out, I ran.  But even in places where it had 'leveled out', it wasn't completely runable *is that even a word?*  There were large rocks in the path which made it difficult to actually run.  When I finally felt like I had gotten in my groove *around 9 1/2 miles oddly enough*, I was going down a small knoll *hill?* and my left knee started to give out.  All I could think of was, really??  I had stopped a couple of times to stretch, but now my knee was giving me grief.  It wasn't my right hamstring which had been giving me problems since being in NY.  It was my left knee.  Argh!!!

From there on out, I stopped making any attempt to run.  I was there to enjoy the views.  And they were magnificent!  At mile 11ish, an older lady passed me who had been walking the entire time.  As she passed me, she says, "It's all down hill.  It's burning up the quads!!!"  Ha!  At that moment, my quads were the least of my worries.  My knee didn't like going down hill.  A volunteer saw me around that point too and asked if I was okay and if I was in the half.  I told him that I was supposed to be running, but was definitely walking at that point.  He asked if I was okay and I told him that my knee was sore, but that I was going to make it.

I was going to make it!  I might crawl across that finish line, but I was going to finish!

I was getting close and I was able to hear the cheers of the finish line.  It was just me and my victory.  No one to give me that last boost.  But, I finished.  Time doesn't matter at this point, because I set a goal and accomplished it.

A couple of days after the 'race', I checked back in to see if they had posted the results and they had.

I didn't finish last.

Heartfelt Ramblings

Let me first say that this is a non-weight loss post.  It may also get a bit preachy, so back away now if you're afraid.  I laid in bed last night thinking about this and where I could write this particular post.  Well, maybe it does have a little baring on weight, but we'll see how it goes.

Women are sensitive creatures.  We may go through a lot of life experiences that cause us to become 'turtle like'.  Ya know, hard on the outside and soft on the inside.  With that said, men are very much the same, but they tend to be 'turtle like' from the get go.  It's almost engrained in them from the time they are born.  They aren't supposed to reveal their hurts or wear their feelings on their sleeves.

When we choose to love someone, we have to take the good with the bad.  This includes all of the baggage from past experiences and our turtle like appearance.  If our love is based solely on appearance, and our appearances change, sometimes for the bad, then the relationship could end quickly.  If it's not, then you'll love each other no matter the shape or size your significant other may become.  No matter the appearance, love needs to be shown and felt by both sides.

A life long commitment to love one another is hard work.  Very hard.  If it were easy, the divorce rate wouldn't be sitting somewhere at or near 50% here in the United States.  We also live in a 'disposable' society.  If we don't like something, we get rid of it.  Old?  Pitch it.  Wrong color?  Chuck it *or if it's me and I have a receipt, exchange it!*  Do you see where I'm going with this?  If the relationship has become too hard, be done with it.  Walk away.

There are bound to be ups and downs.  And when I say downs, I'm talking digging around in the trenches, feeling like there is no way to come up for air, and possibly losing all sense of time.  You may end up hurting each other.  Even when there are apologies, the hurts may linger.  And linger.  And linger.  But, if you truly love each other and you are truly sorry, then there is a smidge of hope that life is worth living...together.  Am I saying that there are some hurts that aren't beyond the limits of a relationship?  That the hurt/trust that has been broken is impossible to get past?  Sometimes.  But again, I believe in love.  The kind that can see past them.  The unconditional kind.  The kind that loves you no matter what you look like...size 26 *yep, I was there once*...wild hair from getting up out of bed...sweatpants, t-shirt.  You get the picture.

And as our relationships change, and they will, love grows and changes too.  Add in babies and housework, yard work, running kids here and there...oh the list could be endless.  You still love each other for who they are, not for what they did or did not accomplish that day.  I can tell you that there are days when my hubby comes home from work and making sure that our girls didn't kill each other, were fed, were sparkling clean happy, and that the house was still standing was all that I could muster.  I look at him and say, "Sorry."  He shakes his head and says, "It's okay.  I'm not worried about it."

Love also doesn't look at how we did a particular 'job' around the house.  *I had to learn this SO early in our marriage.  I didn't realize how anal retentive I was about some things, like how I did laundry, loaded the dishwasher or doing the dishes, or how some things were cleaned...*  If my hubby does a job around the house, even if it's not the way I would have done it *and I still grumble about it in my head*, I am grateful that he did it.  One less thing I have to do!

All of this to say...love is work.  It can hurt, but it is also amazing.  It brings endless joy, laughter, and encouragement.  Love is for making each other better people.  Someone once said that people are given to us to act like sandpaper in our lives.

Love is the sandpaper that refines us into who we truly are, beneath that hard turtle shell.

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

If anyone knows me and knows me fairly well, I'm a comfort gal.  I like to stay in my: box, bubble, space...you name it...I'm in it!  I like routine, the familiar, and knowing what to expect.  Does this sound at all like you?  It doesn't?  Carry on.  If it does, read on.

Almost 9 months ago, I made this huge decision to start the C25K program.  You can see my original post about that here.  Talk about stepping out of your comfort zone!!  Running is a leap out of my comfort zone and one that I never anticipated taking.  At some point after finishing the C25K program, I decided to keep going and piggy back the C210K *it basically picks up where the 5k left off.*  After completing that, I did a program called Run For Fat Loss *R4FL*.  I completed that in January *I think.*  I kind of bounced around a bit after that.  I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with my running.

At the beginning of March, I checked out the ipod app for a half marathon trainer by the same creators of the 5k and 10k app that I had so enjoyed.  It really seemed like it was up my alley.  It was the same set up using intervals to complete your half marathon.  Yes!!  I begged sweetly asked my hubby to let me get the app so that I could start training.  He, without hesitation, said yes.  Yay!

As I have been on this journey, I've learned new things about running.  I have read up on rhythmic breathing which has helped me tremendously.  A few friends have given me the ins and outs of 'fueling' while on longer runs *someone said to me today, "Isn't fueling for cars?" We both laughed, but there is certainly more to it than that.*  And two big things happened in regards to my running:  1) I signed up for a 5k and 2) I signed up for a half marathon.

If you are unfamiliar, a 5k is 3.1 miles.  A half marathon is 13.1 miles.

My 5k, was today.  It was a Color Vibe 5k and thinking that it was only 3.1 miles, I knew I had it in the bag.  One thing I didn't really think much about was where I live and what kind of terrain I'd be running on today.  It was pretty much a trail run which I am not accustomed to.  However, it gave me a glimpse of what my half marathon will be like in August.  In some ways, today's run made me think I was hiking while running.  There were large rocks and roots protruding here and there, and had I been in a car, I might have put my hazards on.  As I approached each color station, I held my breath *which while running is extremely difficult* so that I didn't get color blasted in my mouth.  When all was said and done, I'd burned just shy of 500 calories in my 40 minute 5k.  Average pace = 12:54 min./mi.  For someone who isn't used to trail running and doing some serious hills *24 floors according to my fitbit*...this pace is amazing for me!

With that said, I will most definitely be starting with the walkers at the half marathon in August.  I'm still questioning my sanity in signing up for one.  Again, it's a huge leap out of my comfort zone, but I love that I am continually being challenged.

What have you done lately to get you out of your comfort zone?  Are you challenging yourself?

Too Long!

Hi friends!  It's been nearly 2 months since I blogged anything.  Shameful really.  I've let my thoughts slide for a bit too long.

Here's the skinny on what's been going on here.  I've been OP (on plan) according to WW, but haven't been eating the right things.  This makes me feel quite yucky to be honest.  I'm just now realizing this, crazy huh?  I feel better when I eat a sensible breakfast, a snack, a green salad loaded up with protein and veggies for lunch, another snack, a sensible dinner, and possibly another snack...all before 7pm.  Please also realize that with three children, I am often up when the sun comes up.  Here in AZ right now, it's before six!  Except for this morning when I had the coffee pot programmed to go off at 6 *yes, I'm drinking half caff again* and got up because everyone has been getting up around that time, and here it is *7am* and my children are still in bed!!!  Eh, I'm enjoying the quiet of the morning and my coffee.

In that I am eating what I should, my energy is back and I feel pretty good.  It's interesting to see how making sure that you're eating the good stuff can change the way you feel.  In that I'm training for a half marathon, I am trying to be sure that I'm eating plenty of protein and healthy carbs.  I'm doing a cross between a 'runners diet' and phase 2 of South Beach.

**Hark!  7:02 and I hear the first sounds of girlies!**

Between those two, I feel satisfied all day and I feel like I can last through at least bed time with the girls.  So that's where I'm at.  I need to look back at my goals for the year too.  I'll have to do another review here pretty soon.

And a few new things we've been making/using:  milk kefir and 1% ricotta.  I made my first batch of ricotta yesterday and it's really good!  We've been using milk kefir for a month or more and the girls love having a kefir smoothie *not to mention it's good for them!*

I hope you all are hanging in there.  Or at least trying to!