...spring cleaning, then it means that it's that time of year!
After an appointment this morning, school work, and lunch, I put the shortest member of the family to bed and kicked the two big kids outside to play. During that time, I picked up the living room, moved a few pieces of 'furniture' *read-trampoline and recliner* out of the way, vacuumed, and then shampooed our rug. It gets so nasty because it's right off the front door. That to say, it takes a l-o-n-g time to shampoo it because I give it some extra TLC. Then there is the process of letting it dry. And no, I didn't sit and watch it dry.
I actually headed into the kitchen to take on the state of emergency that was taking place within it. It is mostly complete, but there is still much to be done. I also tackled a few loads of laundry today and hung one load outside.
I'm just hoping that I don't collapse before I finish what I want to get done today. I just want to get the laundry folded and put away. That's it *aside from cooking dinner, putting the dishes in the dishwasher away, and maybe doing a few more dishes.* Ah, a mommy's day is never done.
When I am this busy, there is little time for anything else. This at least means that I'm not being tempted to find yet another snack while walking through the kitchen. If anything today, I wanted to take a nap, but that wasn't in the cards.
The point of this post? I guess it's to say that sometimes when you're doing a bunch of things that you don't do on a daily basis *like shampooing your rugs* that it totally counts towards some activity for the day! Now...if only chasing after children gave me that same pleasure, I'd be all set. Alas, I do that every day.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Fear
So, I took a walk today. It's beautiful out. I'm rocking the tunes. And as I turn to complete my first mile, and I'm fighting against past memories in my brain...I start to cry. I'm sure I was quite a sight to see. Crying and sweaty, but walking it out. The tears? A walking revelation. It seems as though I've been getting those a lot lately. Moving on.
The revelation? I have a fear of gaining weight again. A fear of what other people see me as. I'm not sure if this is an unhealthy fear or a healthy one.
I also learned another important tidbit. I wear my heart rate monitor when I do most of my exercises. I just found out that a good portion of my exercises are considered to be in the 'vigorous' category. If I base my numbers on this site, then my max HR is 186, my 50% of HR would be 93, 75% would be 130, and 85% would be 158. My vigorous range is between 130 and 158. The moderate range would be between 93 and 130. Generally speaking, my HR is over 140 when I walk and it's been logged as high as 157. This is very helpful information for me.
I'm feeling some better today. It is certainly a process.
I'm looking forward to dinner. Pork tenderloin, quinoa, fresh cauliflower, and a salad. So, I guess if we're going to eat it, I better make it.
The revelation? I have a fear of gaining weight again. A fear of what other people see me as. I'm not sure if this is an unhealthy fear or a healthy one.
I also learned another important tidbit. I wear my heart rate monitor when I do most of my exercises. I just found out that a good portion of my exercises are considered to be in the 'vigorous' category. If I base my numbers on this site, then my max HR is 186, my 50% of HR would be 93, 75% would be 130, and 85% would be 158. My vigorous range is between 130 and 158. The moderate range would be between 93 and 130. Generally speaking, my HR is over 140 when I walk and it's been logged as high as 157. This is very helpful information for me.
I'm feeling some better today. It is certainly a process.
I'm looking forward to dinner. Pork tenderloin, quinoa, fresh cauliflower, and a salad. So, I guess if we're going to eat it, I better make it.
Monday, March 26, 2012
A New Goal?
I never thought that I'd need a new one. I've continued to work on my 12 for '12, but I'm not really thinking about those kinds of goals. I'm thinking more along the lines of a new health goal. I'm not even sure what that could be. I think subconsciously *or so my hubby says* that I might be feeling 'off' because I worked so hard to attain my goal and now that I've reached my goal, I don't know what to do next.
Maybe that is it. Just a little. I'm missing my purpose. My drive. As of late, I don't feel like things are filling that void of 'I need to make goal.' Does this even make sense?
I started cutting back on my caffeine a couple of days ago. So far, no headaches from whittling it down. I've been drinking half caff at breakfast and then nothing else after. I do like to have *from time to time* some decaf coffee at night, so I've been having that. When I was at the store picking up lettuce and spinach today, I stared longingly at the Coke Zero *another guilty pleasure from time to time.* I didn't get one.
Last night when I made pizza, I did the entire dough with whole wheat flour, and I only ate 2 slices. And? I was satisfied after those 2 slices. This is a huge step for me as normally I'm incapable of stopping at just 2 slices. I count what I eat and move on.
I bought a dark chocolate bar *78% cocoa* and if I'm feeling like a little something during the day, I have just one *yes one* square of it. That's been helping me from feeling like I'm 'deprived.'
I also like to have yogurt every day. It's truly tasty to get Greek yogurt *plain/0% fat*, peel and core an apple *I eat some, but cut the rest up into bite size pieces and nuke it*, I stir 1 teaspoon of honey into the yogurt, and then add the heated apple...YUM! Those of you point counting, it's 3P+ for 6oz Greek yogurt, honey, and the apple. Yes, you could buy Greek yogurt with fruit already in it, but this cuts out some of the preservatives, and gives you fresh fruit. A WW friend taught me that trick.
And one more change recently...I've stopped having peanut butter every day. I love, LoVe, LOVE peanut butter, but I've been thinking that it has been somewhat of a trigger food. I'm not always happy with just the tablespoon that I put on my bread at lunch. I like to have a spoonful. Yep. I'm one of those people that like peanut butter right out of the jar. I'll walk by the jar of peanut butter, open it and spoon a little out. Cutting it out, has been a great release! I'm also making sure that it goes back in the cupboard *after making lunches* instead of letting it sit there and stare me in the face. I am instead choosing to have a slice of homemade bread *or the organic nine grain bread from Bountiful Baskets* with a teaspoon of real butter on it.
All of this to say, I'm still learning new things. And, I'm searching for a new goal. It's something to think about. Hubby and I are going to put our heads together to see if we can figure something out. In the meantime, bear with me.
Maybe that is it. Just a little. I'm missing my purpose. My drive. As of late, I don't feel like things are filling that void of 'I need to make goal.' Does this even make sense?
I started cutting back on my caffeine a couple of days ago. So far, no headaches from whittling it down. I've been drinking half caff at breakfast and then nothing else after. I do like to have *from time to time* some decaf coffee at night, so I've been having that. When I was at the store picking up lettuce and spinach today, I stared longingly at the Coke Zero *another guilty pleasure from time to time.* I didn't get one.
Last night when I made pizza, I did the entire dough with whole wheat flour, and I only ate 2 slices. And? I was satisfied after those 2 slices. This is a huge step for me as normally I'm incapable of stopping at just 2 slices. I count what I eat and move on.
I bought a dark chocolate bar *78% cocoa* and if I'm feeling like a little something during the day, I have just one *yes one* square of it. That's been helping me from feeling like I'm 'deprived.'
I also like to have yogurt every day. It's truly tasty to get Greek yogurt *plain/0% fat*, peel and core an apple *I eat some, but cut the rest up into bite size pieces and nuke it*, I stir 1 teaspoon of honey into the yogurt, and then add the heated apple...YUM! Those of you point counting, it's 3P+ for 6oz Greek yogurt, honey, and the apple. Yes, you could buy Greek yogurt with fruit already in it, but this cuts out some of the preservatives, and gives you fresh fruit. A WW friend taught me that trick.
And one more change recently...I've stopped having peanut butter every day. I love, LoVe, LOVE peanut butter, but I've been thinking that it has been somewhat of a trigger food. I'm not always happy with just the tablespoon that I put on my bread at lunch. I like to have a spoonful. Yep. I'm one of those people that like peanut butter right out of the jar. I'll walk by the jar of peanut butter, open it and spoon a little out. Cutting it out, has been a great release! I'm also making sure that it goes back in the cupboard *after making lunches* instead of letting it sit there and stare me in the face. I am instead choosing to have a slice of homemade bread *or the organic nine grain bread from Bountiful Baskets* with a teaspoon of real butter on it.
All of this to say, I'm still learning new things. And, I'm searching for a new goal. It's something to think about. Hubby and I are going to put our heads together to see if we can figure something out. In the meantime, bear with me.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Biggest Obstacles to Weight Loss
Everyone has obstacles. Some are more substantial than others. For me, I think my biggest obstacle is me. Yes, I am my own worst obstacle. I get in my own way and I can easily sabotage myself. I can also be my own biggest fan, but most of the time, it's the other way around. There are also things that hinder my stamina and those are food items. I would love to say that I don't struggle with the same things now that I did in the beginning, but they're the same. They still haunt me and I fight with them on a daily basis.
.jpg)
This should be a no-brainer, but I think I often have the mentality of the second picture. I guess I feel like I still look like picture number two. I want to hide myself away. Maybe that's just my personality. Maybe it's a shell that I still need to break out of. Maybe I was stuck in the body of the second picture for far too long. Whatever the case may be, I still have a lot of healing to do. Even now, I'm sitting here scrolling between the two pictures finding it hard to believe that it's the same person. And it's me.
I know how I got from one to the other. I've also done it before. I don't want to do it again. Every day is a struggle. Every day is a choice. We have to make the choice to feed our body the things that it needs rather than what it wants. Even though our brain knows this, we don't always make that choice.
I would love to say that things got easier towards the end, but they only seemed to get more difficult. The most important thing? Don't. Ever. Give. Up!
Right now, I'm struggling with the idea that I am this person:
.jpg)
And not this one:
I know how I got from one to the other. I've also done it before. I don't want to do it again. Every day is a struggle. Every day is a choice. We have to make the choice to feed our body the things that it needs rather than what it wants. Even though our brain knows this, we don't always make that choice.
I would love to say that things got easier towards the end, but they only seemed to get more difficult. The most important thing? Don't. Ever. Give. Up!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Still Here
No worries. I haven't dropped off the face of the planet. I'm in a weird kind of funk. As my home healthcare nurse called it...punky. I'm in a punky mood. I'm just off. Mood is off. Emotions are off. I had my temporary crown put on yesterday and it's too 'high', but I didn't realize it until after my mouth wasn't numb any more. So...I'm dealing with it for 2 weeks. Bah!
On my way home from said appointment, I heard this song:
I want you all to focus on the words.
Here is a link to the lyrics. I hope someone loves you in a way similar to this. Someone who loves you "just the way you are."
I've had this song on my heart since yesterday. Know that you are loved, that you are valued, that you are cherished, and that someone cares about you!
On my way home from said appointment, I heard this song:
I want you all to focus on the words.
Here is a link to the lyrics. I hope someone loves you in a way similar to this. Someone who loves you "just the way you are."
I've had this song on my heart since yesterday. Know that you are loved, that you are valued, that you are cherished, and that someone cares about you!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Differences In Life
It's so very interesting to me to see the differences in how people are raised. And, I guess in some cases, are left to raise themselves. In this particular case, it's a matter of differences in being raised.
With her permission, I'm sharing a bit about our morning.
I met my friend for coffee this morning. Hubby seems to encourage me to go out and meet gal friends for conversation. I appreciate his ability to see when I need a 'time out.' We met at one of the local coffee places *not Starbucks, but makes good stuff too.* They also have a much larger selection of sugar free syrups *like White Chocolate* and they're cheaper and they have a 'loyalty' program too. All good things. Moving on.
She had called me earlier in the week to see if we could meet and talk weight loss stuff. Sure! Why not? Anywho, it seems as though in her childhood/adolescent years, it was all about body image, how others perceived you, and was 'encouraged' to remain thin by her mom, who also has this perception. At some point, my friend started to possibly feel a sense of rebellion against what she 'knew.' She's now married and being away from that community, things start to come to light. Have you ever had that happen? You get pulled from a situation and then...WHAM! It's like a light bulb goes off or you have an 'ah-ha!' moment. What makes you, you? Is it what others 'put upon' you or is it how you look at yourself?
Where am I going with this? I'm drawing a comparison, so hang in there.
As I grew up, my parents were encouraging. However, I was surrounded by people who told me *or at least I felt that they were telling me* that I was unattractive. It never seemed to make a difference what I did, it wasn't enough. My parents always told me how beautiful I was, but I could never wrap my mind around it. It's like the good was outweighed by the bad. And why would I let what others say to me change what my parents were saying to me? I'm not really sure.
Two different up-bringings, but we've kind of come to a similar ending. Our self-image is distorted. There is no magic answer to change the way we see ourselves. Often times when we see ourselves so negatively, we have a hard time sharing ourselves with others. In particular, we have a hard time sharing our inner most self with our significant other. Of course, if they love us as unconditionally as humanly possible, then they'll love us no matter what. They love our quirks, our idiosyncrasies, our fluff, and they love our sensitivities. If we happen to be paired to a member of the male species, their love for us includes trying to 'fix' our hurts. While we, as women, don't want to be 'fixed', we just want to be heard. I often times feel better if hubby offers to help. After all, we were created to be help-mates for each other.
I'd imagine that a lot of you *most of you women* know exactly what I'm saying here. You don't necessarily feel good in your own skin. Again, no magic answer, but surrounding yourself by others who encourage you and love ya for who you are, is a huge step in this direction. Sadly, there are many women in this same place, and you can count me in on it too. Don't feel alone. Reach out and be encouraged!
With her permission, I'm sharing a bit about our morning.
I met my friend for coffee this morning. Hubby seems to encourage me to go out and meet gal friends for conversation. I appreciate his ability to see when I need a 'time out.' We met at one of the local coffee places *not Starbucks, but makes good stuff too.* They also have a much larger selection of sugar free syrups *like White Chocolate* and they're cheaper and they have a 'loyalty' program too. All good things. Moving on.
She had called me earlier in the week to see if we could meet and talk weight loss stuff. Sure! Why not? Anywho, it seems as though in her childhood/adolescent years, it was all about body image, how others perceived you, and was 'encouraged' to remain thin by her mom, who also has this perception. At some point, my friend started to possibly feel a sense of rebellion against what she 'knew.' She's now married and being away from that community, things start to come to light. Have you ever had that happen? You get pulled from a situation and then...WHAM! It's like a light bulb goes off or you have an 'ah-ha!' moment. What makes you, you? Is it what others 'put upon' you or is it how you look at yourself?
Where am I going with this? I'm drawing a comparison, so hang in there.
As I grew up, my parents were encouraging. However, I was surrounded by people who told me *or at least I felt that they were telling me* that I was unattractive. It never seemed to make a difference what I did, it wasn't enough. My parents always told me how beautiful I was, but I could never wrap my mind around it. It's like the good was outweighed by the bad. And why would I let what others say to me change what my parents were saying to me? I'm not really sure.
Two different up-bringings, but we've kind of come to a similar ending. Our self-image is distorted. There is no magic answer to change the way we see ourselves. Often times when we see ourselves so negatively, we have a hard time sharing ourselves with others. In particular, we have a hard time sharing our inner most self with our significant other. Of course, if they love us as unconditionally as humanly possible, then they'll love us no matter what. They love our quirks, our idiosyncrasies, our fluff, and they love our sensitivities. If we happen to be paired to a member of the male species, their love for us includes trying to 'fix' our hurts. While we, as women, don't want to be 'fixed', we just want to be heard. I often times feel better if hubby offers to help. After all, we were created to be help-mates for each other.
I'd imagine that a lot of you *most of you women* know exactly what I'm saying here. You don't necessarily feel good in your own skin. Again, no magic answer, but surrounding yourself by others who encourage you and love ya for who you are, is a huge step in this direction. Sadly, there are many women in this same place, and you can count me in on it too. Don't feel alone. Reach out and be encouraged!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Normal
I've made it past Wednesday. And? I feel like my 'normal' self again. My cravings have subsided and life can go on as normal. Whatever normal is. I seriously become a wicked witch and I'm sure my family doesn't appreciate it. At. All. To top of my witchiness, my poor hubby has been battling an ear & sinus infection, along with the beginning stages of pneumonia. Yuck! Thankfully, he's kept the nasties to himself.
As for food, like I said, once I got to Wednesday, I was no longer craving things that I shouldn't have and was able to feel satisfied on what I have been eating *more protein and less 'sugary' stuff*. I did do Slim in 6 yesterday, but spent today going through our shed. I know what you're thinking, "But Kati, that isn't exercise!" Oh, believe me, it was! I picked up and moved plastic tubs full of clothes. I sorted all of the clothes *my old clothes that need to be gone*, baby clothes *sizes 3mo-24mo*, and big kid clothes. I brought a few things in for my middle kiddo to wear and a few things for the littlest one. After I got it all put into bags, I had to put it back into the shed. I'm hoping that I can bring it in the house, lay it on the floor, and take pictures. All of this before the alleged 10-24 inches of snow we're due to get between Saturday and Monday. Boo!! My entire body aches from leaning over tubs and sorting. I did find a pair of fun pants that I had tucked away. And yes, they fit.
I'm looking forward now to Saturday. Yep, it's St. Patrick's Day. Yes, I have some Irish in my background. And yes, we're having corn beef and cabbage. Yum! When I saw it go on sale, I just had a hankerin' for it. So...we're having some. Sunday is my littlest one's birthday. A whole big 2! I can't believe it! And honestly, I'm still unsure of what I'm doing for her birthday cake. I have ideas, I just haven't come to any solid decisions.
My fun and exciting non-food related news? I bought our new washer and dryer today. We'll get those delivered this next Wednesday. I also bought my tickets to fly home *alone* today. Yippee! That's another bonus to having lost weight...you don't have to ask for the seat belt extender on a plane. Sad, but true.
Tomorrow is my weigh-in day and I'd imagine I'll show at least a slight gain. All will be well and it's all part of learning my new 'normal.' I hope everyone is hanging in there. Take each day as it comes. That's all we can do.
As for food, like I said, once I got to Wednesday, I was no longer craving things that I shouldn't have and was able to feel satisfied on what I have been eating *more protein and less 'sugary' stuff*. I did do Slim in 6 yesterday, but spent today going through our shed. I know what you're thinking, "But Kati, that isn't exercise!" Oh, believe me, it was! I picked up and moved plastic tubs full of clothes. I sorted all of the clothes *my old clothes that need to be gone*, baby clothes *sizes 3mo-24mo*, and big kid clothes. I brought a few things in for my middle kiddo to wear and a few things for the littlest one. After I got it all put into bags, I had to put it back into the shed. I'm hoping that I can bring it in the house, lay it on the floor, and take pictures. All of this before the alleged 10-24 inches of snow we're due to get between Saturday and Monday. Boo!! My entire body aches from leaning over tubs and sorting. I did find a pair of fun pants that I had tucked away. And yes, they fit.
I'm looking forward now to Saturday. Yep, it's St. Patrick's Day. Yes, I have some Irish in my background. And yes, we're having corn beef and cabbage. Yum! When I saw it go on sale, I just had a hankerin' for it. So...we're having some. Sunday is my littlest one's birthday. A whole big 2! I can't believe it! And honestly, I'm still unsure of what I'm doing for her birthday cake. I have ideas, I just haven't come to any solid decisions.
My fun and exciting non-food related news? I bought our new washer and dryer today. We'll get those delivered this next Wednesday. I also bought my tickets to fly home *alone* today. Yippee! That's another bonus to having lost weight...you don't have to ask for the seat belt extender on a plane. Sad, but true.
Tomorrow is my weigh-in day and I'd imagine I'll show at least a slight gain. All will be well and it's all part of learning my new 'normal.' I hope everyone is hanging in there. Take each day as it comes. That's all we can do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)